From ‘If They Wanted to They Would,’ to ‘If I Want to I Can.’

We’ve all heard the phrase “If they wanted to, they would” — and yeah, there’s some truth to it. The idea is simple: if someone truly cared, they’d make an effort.

But the reality is a lot more complicated than that. Some people genuinely want to connect, to be vulnerable, and to show up for you, but they don’t know how. And while it’s not your responsibility to carry their emotional baggage or teach them how to show up, the problem with this statement is that it keeps the focus on them. It takes away your power.

Instead of putting all your energy into what they would do, let’s reframe this simple statement to, “If I want to, I can.” Feels more empowering, right?

If I want to stop engaging with emotionally unavailable people, I can.
If I want to set boundaries with those who can’t meet my needs, I can.
If I want to prioritize my emotional well-being, I can.

Shifting the focus to yourself gives you back control. You have the power to make decisions about how you want to be treated, who you allow into your life, and what you will tolerate.

You can show up for yourself in ways that no one else can.

Yes, it takes awareness, it takes work, and sometimes it’s messy — and it’s also empowering.

Instead of waiting for someone else to change, ask yourself what you can change. You deserve to feel valued and respected, and you have the power to make sure that happens.

Give yourself grace. Stay curious. Stay aware.