You Will Never Heal Your Abandonment Wound by Continuing to Abandon Yourself
Healing Your Abandonment Wound Starts With You
When we think about abandonment, it’s easy to focus outward—on the people who left, the moments of rejection, or the relationships where we poured so much of ourselves in, only to feel empty and alone. But the truth is, healing your abandonment wound doesn’t come from convincing others to stay. It comes from learning to stay with yourself.
Abandonment wounds often stem from early experiences where we felt unloved, unseen, or unsupported. Over time, these wounds can manifest in the way we show up in relationships. We might try to be everything for everyone, bending and breaking ourselves in an attempt to keep people close. We convince ourselves that if we’re just “good enough,” people won’t leave.
But in the process of trying to earn someone else’s love and validation, we often abandon the most important relationship we’ll ever have—the one with ourselves. We ignore our needs, suppress our feelings, and shrink who we are to fit someone else’s expectations. And even when people do stay, it never feels like enough, because the real wound—the one inside us—remains unhealed.
When you abandon yourself in the hopes of preventing others from abandoning you, you’re building relationships on a shaky foundation. You’re teaching yourself that your worth is conditional, tied to how well you perform or how much you can give. This mindset doesn’t just hurt you; it creates relationships that are unbalanced, where your needs are always second to someone else’s.
Over time, this cycle can lead to resentment, burnout, and an even deeper sense of loneliness. Why? Because the people you’re trying so hard to hold onto aren’t loving the real you. They’re loving the version of you that you’ve contorted yourself into, and that’s not sustainable—or fair to you.
Healing your abandonment wound starts with learning to stay with yourself, even when it’s hard. Here are a few steps to begin:
Recognize Your Patterns: Start by noticing when and how you abandon yourself. Do you ignore your own feelings to avoid conflict? Do you overextend yourself to please others? Awareness is the first step toward change.
Meet Your Own Needs: Take time to understand what you need—emotionally, physically, and mentally—and practice giving those things to yourself. This might look like setting boundaries, prioritizing rest, or speaking kindly to yourself when you’re struggling.
Build Self-Trust: Every time you show up for yourself—whether it’s by saying no to something that doesn’t align with your values or by honoring your own feelings—you’re building trust in yourself. This trust is the foundation of healing.
Seek Support: Healing doesn’t have to happen in isolation. Therapy, coaching, or even a trusted friend can provide the space and perspective you need to process your feelings and move forward.
When you stop abandoning yourself, something incredible happens. You begin to feel whole. You’re no longer chasing love or validation, because you’re giving those things to yourself. This doesn’t mean you’ll never experience hurt or loss again, but it does mean you’ll have the resilience to face those moments without losing yourself in the process.
The people who are meant to be in your life will love the real you—the one who stands tall in their worth, who honors their own needs, and who knows that their value isn’t tied to anyone else’s opinion. And the ones who can’t? Let them go. You’re no longer trying to prove you’re worthy of staying, because you know you’re worthy of showing up for yourself.
Healing is messy and nonlinear, but it’s also deeply liberating. And it starts with the simple, powerful decision to stay. Not for anyone else, but for you.
